The micro moments that create impact for your BIG, BOLD, BEAUTIFUL life

There was a period of time around 8 years ago when I was on a quest to find myself, or should I say a quest to 'rediscover' who I was. 

Growing up, like many of us, I had been sold the idea that you go to school, maybe some kind of higher education, get a job, get married, buy a house, start a family, work until you retire, and then live out the rest of your days in relaxing comfort. 

I tried my hardest to do it. I was the first in my family with the opportunity to go to university. I tried to keep up the 'good girl' trope, and I could do really well at it in some areas, and then I was just shit at it in others.

I mean I could have settled if I tried but the trouble was that something inside of my wanted to bust out of that cage like a wild animal and do things that didn't mean conforming. 

Things where I could follow my heart and passion, rather than what was expected.

That's what I call the soulful rebel in me. She was always in there wanting to lead by the things that mattered to me, not what the weight of the world expects me to be.

For a long long long time that was a confusing conflict, especially when you're at a stage in your teens and twenties (even up to my early thirties) where everything feels like a game of smash and grab. I smashed and I grabbed at love, at identity, at hedonism, at rebellion, at all of it.

I grabbed and things smashed back at me. There were huge highs followed by crushing lows. I abandoned myself many times over. It wasn't pleasant.

So much of this is down to finding your way (often in the dark) to who you get to be, but so much of it trying things out, learning, and then remembering that we are all making it up as we go along!

What I am saying is that a lot of the time we don't know what we don't know until we know, you know?

But when you have awareness and you still choose to abandon yourself, that's where the challenges really kick in.

I did this a lot after I lost my parents, I abandoned myself to working so hard to get back onto that conveyor belt of 'what was expected' that I lost myself to working hard (but still playing too hard) to prove something to… who knows who?

I did that until I couldn't do it anymore and burned out big time. I burned out so hard that I melted my central nervous system. I could no longer feel anything, no sadness, no joy, no… nothing.

That was when I went on that quest to rediscover and reconnect to me, my soul, and my body. And it was beautiful. 

I travelled across the world, I began a new career dedicated to this discovery, I learned, I studied, I shared, I lived it 24/7.

I found purpose and I wanted to breathe it in like air.

But that conditioning meant I hit it all a bit too hard and burned out again and again.

What I am learning to unlearn - even now - is that to live a BIG, BOLD, BEAUTIFUL life doesn't have to be that is lived like that game of smash and grab. You don't have to sprint the marathon like you're trying to break all world records.

The BEAUTIFUL part gets to be deciding that you don't need to rush it, there's no race towards the finish line. you can take it step by step, taking in all of your senses and experiencing the joy within it all.

One thing I have learned through the many years of holding space for other incredible disco ball hearted humans, setting off on their own journey of a purpose-fuelled BIG, BOLD, BEAUTIFUL life, is that 100% of the time you will tell yourself you're not doing enough quickly enough.

It's the old trick of the capitalist and patriarchal systems that have us pitting against ourselves to strive for harder, to work harder, and to never quite feel that you have enough, or that you are enough.

It's all a big ole bunch of BS that leaves you feeling like you're behind in pretty much every area of your life.

Your BIG, BOLD, BEAUTIFUL life, however, is the understanding of what a BIG, BOLD, BEAUTIFUL life means for you, and it's not just about the destination but how the fricking frick you choose to be on the path now.

Rather than feeling like you have to do all the things and NOW the BIG, BOLD, BEAUTIFUL journey is about taking small, simple steps every day; the one degree shifts.

And these steps are known as 'micro actions', that when you take each and every day add up to an incredible amount of progress towards your BIG, BOLD, BEAUTIFUL vision over a period of time.

Cover photo by Photo by Ann H: https://www.pexels.com/photo/my-secret-plan-to-rule-the-world-book-1765033/